Plantagenet Medievalist : Top Ten Tips on Visiting 14th Century England

14th Century Pommander

Know Before You Go

Half the fun of taking a trip is planning for it: discovering all the unique places you might explore and investigating the culture, cuisine and customs. Such advance planning might save your travels from degenerating into Chevy Chase's Vacation!

Here we go ...

10. Carry a scented kerchief or pommander. While you might be surprised by the beauty of the soaring cathedrals with flying buttresses dominating every town, the stench of offal and entrails may knock your socks off! Most villages and towns are located near brooks, steams, and rivers that are used as the primary sewer system. Butchers, tanners, and dyemakers dump their waste into these open waterways, not to mention the waste from privies and chamber pots! The aforementioned sweet-smelling accoutrements might also aid you should someone approach closely and offer to help with directions. Hold that kerchief to your nose, circumspectly of course. Townsfolk weren't fond of bathing and dental hygiene was severely lacking.

9. Prepare to be gawked at. It's likely that you will loom above the people you meet and your feet will be bigger too, making you quite an oddity. The average medieval man measured just 5'7" and an average woman about 5'2". You'll likely stick out and, wary of strangers, suspicions about your intent will be aroused.

8. Know how to wield a weapon and don't be shy about displaying it. Violence is a fact of life in medieval Europe and towns are walled for a reason. Menacing gangs and unemployed mercenaries roam the countryside; peasants seek safety in towns and the gates are locked at night. However, that doesn't prevent dastardly deeds from occuring within the walls; brawls are S.O.P.

7. Keep a good joke at the ready. Amid the violence, there is humor and sarcasm is considered the highest form of it. Slapstick and practical jokes are particularly popular. If you can tell a good tale like the following, you'll be welcomed.

Simon asks - "Are you married?"
Ned replies - "Oh, yes! I've been married three times but each wife hanged herself from the tree in my garden.
Simon says - "Pray, give me a cutting from that miraculous tree!"

6. Learn French before you go. If you want to be respected and taken seriously, then French is the way to go. William, the bastard of Normandy, conquered England in 1066 and anyone who is anyone in the 14th century still speaks French, not English. Comprennez-vous?

Like this!

5. Brush up on your manners. Being respected is all important to medieval denizens. Any disrespect, unintentional or otherwise, may result in savage repercussions. When visiting a townsman at his home, wait to be invited in, leave your weapons at the door, and be sure to doff your cap. The way to show respect to your host when you are presented is by bowing politely, or in the case of meeting someone of vastly superior rank, be prepared to kneel, one knee all the way to the ground. When addressing your host, it's best to begin with any conversation with a polite greeting something along the lines of ... "God's blessing upon you, my lord (or my lady)." And heaven forfend, do not avert your eyes or gaze inadvertenly around the room! It's imperative you maintain eye contact, otherwise, you risk engendering misgivings and distrust.

4. Sharpen your haggling skills. Shopping, sampling exotic wares, is a time-honored tradition when traveling. If you want to purchase souvenirs like jewelry or armor, you'll only find those at a specialty tradesmen's shop in a larger town or city. In smaller villages, 'markets' are typically held on Thursdays where you'll find most necessities. But buyer beware! Items may be arranged in stalls to hide their defects. Wool yarn is stretched before it is woven (to make it go further) but then shrinks. Cloth is sometimes mixed with human hair and shoes are often made of substandard leather. And while prices are regulated to some extent, controlled by trade guilds and local magistrates, barter and negotiation skills are a must.

Early 14th C. Shapeless Garments

3. Stash a supply of buttons in your suitcase. One might say that the concept of 'fashinonista' originated in the 14th century. Clothing was transformed -- all due to the invention of the lowly button. From the simple tunic -- a shapeless swathe of fabric hanging straight from the shoulders, sometimes belted -- to form-fitted, garments tailored to flatter the male and female form. C'est scandaleaux!
However, in spite of this sexy trend, women must never dispaly naked arms or legs in public for fear of perverting social order and, if you are a married woman, be certain to cover your hair when you go out.
Mademoiselles ... attention s'il vous plait! By the end of the century, men's clothing was more sexually revealing than that of women. Monastic chroniclers ranted on about men wearing the 14th century equivalent of mini-skirts and displaying their masculine charms in well-packed hose while blaming women for being delighted by what they saw!

2. Plan on dropping a few stones. What? Lose weight on vacation? Oui! Three meals a day is not the norm. You'll be lucky to get two: dinner, the largest meal of the day, between ten and eleven in the morning and supper, a more modest meal, between four and five o'clock. Are you a meat-and-potatoes-comfort-food lover? If so, you're out of luck on this trip. The Church forbids the consumption of animal foodstuffs, includng eggs, on Wednesdays, Fridays, holy days and throughout Lent and Advent -- which equates to about half the year! Rick Steves give five stars to a half-timbered, charming little tavern serving eel stew in a bread bowl!

1. Pack your team colors and your dancing shoes! Although the 14th century was calamitous with the 100 Years War and two epidemics of the plague, you'll find the people exuberant. Between the risks of dying in childbirth, on the battlefield and the 'Pestilence' where one-third to one-half of the European population perished, people rejoice at just being alive. Singing, dancing, music, poetry (think Geoffrey Chaucer here) theatrical performances, jugglers, and games, especially dicing & gambling, were popular. But the epitome of entertainment, was without any doubt the tournament. Frowned upon by the Church and outlawed by many kings, during the 14th Century, tournaments were embraced wholeheartedly by King Edward III. Go Edward! However, while you can make all the noise you want between matches, you best zip your lips during the joust itself.

Plate armor evolved rapidly in the 14th century in order to keep up with the first true use of artillery ... arrows from longbows! Able to reach targets of 300+ yards and fire 12+ arrows a minute, the introduction of the longbow revolutionzed medieval warfare. But we're not talking war here, we're talking fun and games.

So, here's one for you ... match the name to the knight's equipment. No cheating!

Which is which below?

Sabaton Greaves Bascinet